3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
