We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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