Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
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