i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
