Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
