how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Your dad touched me again.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
