i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
