Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
