mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
