You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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