found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
