His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
