today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
