tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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