Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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