This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
