I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
did you just send me my own nude
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
