I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Yo dont text me then not text me
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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