Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
