Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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