i need an iv and a liver transplant
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
