this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
