the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
