She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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