Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
