Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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