just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
So much Jack, so little girl.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
