why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
