life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
worst night to have a conscience
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
