Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
