I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
