yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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