I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
