Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
