I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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