This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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