I don't usually arrange sex via text message
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
