Duck Duck Cougar?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
