It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
