i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Randomize
