So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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