i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
