he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
