I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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