I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
