Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
