So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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