I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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