Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
We just shotgunned beers for America
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
