So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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