Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
COCAINE IS GR8
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
