I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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