so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
