if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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