so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
