did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
