It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Is it penis luge time yet?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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