I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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