Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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