i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
