Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
